posted 02-09-2002 03:58 PM
Haha, can't help but find my life amusing. Just two years ago I was totally anti-social and shy. I was at college and didn't make any friends or a few that wanted to be friends I would brush off and was a total loner. Hell, my whole life I was pretty much a loner. In the last year however I've been changing my thinking about my life. Thanks to girl who got the ball rolling for me even if it was for her own ego, by introduced me to flirting. I learned a lot from being around her even though she doesn't know it, and not just how to flirt, but how to act around people. Over the last few months thanks to a few friends I've been able to talk to about things I never really felt comfortable talking about before. Just the constant idea of being able to express my "feelings" to them or through other means be it art/poetry or online forums/newsgroups, I feel better then I can ever remember feeling.I think not having an emotional outlet was what led me to be depressed over the last few years. I never trusted anyone or felt I needed anyone, but I was very wrong.
Over the last few weeks I've been changing rapidly, shedding my insecurities and gaining self-esteem I've never had. How did I do this? There are a few things that brought this about but there are two that I think were key. The first one I already mentioned, being able to talk about my problems and getting feedback, and the second one is hanging around someone that isn't shy and is constantly on the prowl for girls. Other factors like feeling that I've hit rock bottom with my life were there too, but I've had that feeling plenty of times so I was rather used to it.
Last night I stuck around school and had a beer with a couple of friends, and some people I met. They all kept asking me what happened to me, that I was so quiet the first year and now I'm not. Later I went out for coffee with some friends and on the way to the coffee shop as we were walking a really hot girl was passing us by. I felt good and got some receptive eye contact from her and smiled, to which she smiled back. It felt great, a nice ego boost I'm still getting used to since most of my life my eyes spent their time looking at my feet. One thing I want to mention is that while we were in the coffee shop I asked this girl that I've had classes with for over a year now, but only really met last night what her impression of me was the prior year, to which she replied "I thought you were cold". I was surprised by this somewhat because it just goes to show you what I thought was being quiet behaviour, she thought was some kind of snobby attitude.
After we split up to go home I walked to the train station and I felt really happy about the direction my life has taken. Something I'm really seeing too is the positive vibes I've been getting from people around me. It really is true that if you're depressed and down people will avoid you. As I was waiting for the bus I noticed a few girls looking my way, two were very good looking, so I turned and made some great eye contact. Then I played it cool and just observed them from the corner of my eye. I couldn't help but grin when I saw they kept looking my way. They looked transparently interested, and if my bus didn't come when it did I think I would have approached them. I wasn't really annoyed that I didn't get any of their numbers, if anything I felt like the one with all the control and there are plenty of good-looking girls to choose from.
My reason for posting this is for the guys that are frustrated with their lives and yearning for a girl. For ****’s sake I’m 24yrs old and still a virgin, but I swear that has become a non-issue with me now, where’s it used to be a burden I could barely carry. I’m happy with my life for once and such things have become technicalities for me I look forward to challenging when the time comes. My advice is don’t try to change overnight, because it won’t happen, unless it’s at a superficial level. Work on improving yourselves one day at a time and don’t let the bad days or weeks drag you down. If a hard core AFC in life like I used to be can do it, honestly, anyone can.