posted 05-15-2002 03:21 AM
This is one of those things I try to do every now and then, with the large influx of new members we've been seeing lately. Fact is, a lot (who am I kidding, damn near ALL) the questions that are being asked now can be answered fairly generically. This is intended as a Bible-Lite for all those new people with repetitive questions. Experienced people, please route them over to here to have their questions answered, so they don't have to dig through the entire Bible.
So, here we go.
The "Friends" Question.
"I have been friends with this girl for a really long time. I've just recently starting having feelings for her/always had feelings for her and she was going out with someone, I'm just dying to get with this girl. What do I do?"
First, face the harsh reality. If you are friends with a girl, the chance of going out with her in a sense where you will actually get some is virtually nil. Once a guy is labeled a friend, he is a FRIEND, and that's IT.
However, if you must try, here's what you do. Stop talking to her for 2-3 weeks. Avoid her when possible; be totally unavailable. She should be pissed; if she isn't, give it up. Once you DO start talking to her again, make sure not to give her too much attention. Start mixing in some kino and flirting, and maybe you'll get somewhere. But don't hold your breath.
Summary: you're best off not trying to get with a friend. Just give it up; it's probably not gonna happen.
The "Boyfriend" Question
"There's this girl, I'm sure she likes me, she flirts with me, she talks with me all the time, we've known each other forever, and she'd be great to go out with. But she has a boyfriend. What do I do?"
Two words: stay away. There are several reasons here.
1) It's damned hard to take a girl away from her boyfriend. People resist change; she's going to stick with that one guy until he's damned near unbearable. It's really, really hard to break them up.
2) It's likely she's just messing with you. Think about it: if she likes you so much, why is she still going out with him? Girls go out with guys they like. Period. If she's not going out with you, she probably doesn't like you that much.
3) It's a big message about her loyalty and trustworthiness if you were ever to go out with her, because chances are if you do, you'll someday end up being that boyfriend... And she'll be chatting with other guys behind your back and leading them on. This is generally not a good trait.
4) It will get the guy REALLY pissed at you. He might get his buddies together and kick your ass. Or, more likely, word will get around and you'll be considered scum. This is not good; it's really tough to rebuild a destroyed reputation.
However, if you must do the dirty deed, here's the best way to break up a couple. Keep in mind, the guy must be doing SOMETHING wrong to get the girl talking to you behind his back. Let him keep making that mistake, and start DJing her yourself. If you've got the gift of game, maybe you'll pull it off.
A final warning: make sure not to fall into the friends trap, which is really easy to do when trying to get her to break up with the chump. Don't talk to her too much, keep it sexual, etc.
Summary: Not a good idea. Go for an unattached girl; there are tons out there.
The "Ex" Question
"I broke up with this girl, but now she wants to try it again/I can't stop thinking about her, and I want to try it again. What do I do?"
There are two main categories here, depending on the type of breakup it was. If it was one where you did the dumping, for something that was a result of a misunderstanding or miscommunication (i.e. you heard she did something and you got pissed and dumped her) or circumstances that have since changed (i.e. she lived too far away, but just moved right next door) then I would say go ahead and give it another try. Maybe things will work out.
In EVERY other circumstance you should NOT get back together with her. If she dumped you, it was because she didn't like you. Period. Nothing has changed since then; all the same problems will keep coming up, and you'll just end up breaking up again. Not cool. If YOU dumped HER because of something she did (say, cheated on you) you shouldn't get back with her. She already screwed you over, and she's still the same person. You have better things to be doing. Next!
Why do people persist in getting back together all the time after they break up? It has to do with loneliness and insecurity. Loneliness, because suddenly both people are feeling ALONE, and want to get back together, just to get rid of that feeling. Insecurity, because both people are worrying about whether they'll be able to get together with someone else, and the fear of going out with someone new. After being out of the relationship for awhile, both people start to forget all the problems it had, and only remember the good parts... But the problems are still there, and will resurface if you get back together. Stay away.
Summary: In general, don't get back together. You already broke up; you already know you have problems being together. Don't do it again.
The "My Friend's Girl" Question
"There's this girl, and we get along great, and I want to ask her out, but she's already going out with my friend/just broke up with my friend. What do I do?"
I shouldn't even have to answer this question. Remember, under every situation, Bros before Hoes. The friends you have now you could very well stay in contact with for the rest of your life, or the next 1-4 years at least. Whereas, most highschool relationships last a couple couple months, and then are forgotten. You NEVER do anything with a girl that would compromise a friendship. EVER.
This is the worst if the girl is already going out with your friend, but recently broken up exes are hands-off too. Wait at least a couple weeks; if the girl likes you, she'll wait for that long. You don't want it in any way thought that you helped break them up, because losing a friend because you couldn't keep your hands off a girl is not good at all. Friends are forever. Girls are a dime a dozen.
Summary: Don't. Just DON'T.
The "This One Girl" Question
There's this one girl, and she's absolutely perfect. I love her and want to marry her. How do I talk to her and make her want to go out with me?"
First, you are committing the #1 DJ sin: putting the girl on a pedastal over yourself. She eats, farts, and craps just like any other human; the only reason you're paying so much attention to her is because your hormones are taking your brain on a rollercoaster ride. SHE'S REALLY NOT THAT SPECIAL.
Second, the point of being a DJ is not to get any particular girl; the point is to play the numbers. You have to face the facts: your chances with any one particular girl are pretty slim. Out of the girls you approach, you will get maybe 1/5 to 1/10 (depending on your skillz) to go out with you. These chances may seem lousy, but if you're approaching a bunch of different girls, it becomes pretty easy. However, this means that getting that one "special" girl is pretty unlikely.
Third, the more attention you DO give to this girl, the less likely it is you will actually go out with her. When you give in to the raging hormones, which are telling you "I love this girl", "She's perfect" and all that, your chances of success drop down to zero. To have a chance, you have to CONTROL yourself. Sucks, doesn't it? This means you treat her just like any other girl. No special treatment at all, because the more "special" you treat her, the less your chances become (check out the stuff on Challenge in the DJ bible or Doc Love for a deeper explanation of this).
Some Quickies.
"How should I start a conversation or approach her?
Go up to her. Say Hi, then comment on something about her/ask a question. Let it go from there.
"How do I ask her out?"
First, you don't "ask her out." You go on dates with her. Get her number. Call her. Have fun. You don't ask her to be your girlfriend right off the bat.
What are these neg-hits I keep hearing about?
A neg-hit is an insult combined with a compliment. They are used for taking down really stuck up girls. You don't really "learn" to use neg-hits; when you have the right attitude, they just pop out.
What's the best cologne?
The jury is still out on this one, I'm going to get dozens of indignant replies from people when I leave out their favorities, but here's the list: Nautica Latitude-Longitude (lots of guys are saying this is good), Cool Water, Drakkar Noir, Acqua di Geo (I wear this, but I might be switching to Drakkar) Hugo Boss, Pleasures for Men, and a couple others. Do a search, and you'll find more stuff.
What do I do if she breaks a date?
Dump her. Personally, I give something of a three-strike system, because sh!t occasionally does happen, so I give a little leeway. But keep in mind: about 90% of the time a girl breaks a date, her excuse is a downright lie. It's easier to just break up and get it over with with.
How do I tell if she's playing mind games?
Girls are damn good at messing with guys' heads, and it can be really hard to tell sometimes. There is one way that always works, though: judge her by her actions. If she's saying she WOULD go out with you, why isn't she? If she's flirting with you but rejecting any advances, why is she? Probably because she isn't interested. The golden rule: sane, intelligent girls (the kind you want to be going out with) don't play mind games. It's just the crazy, immature, and untrustworthy ones that will confuse you, and you probably don't want that type anyway.
Well, that's it for now, though I might edit in some updates later. Questions? Comments? Flames?
[This message has been edited by Gaming111 (edited 05-21-2002).]
[This message has been edited by Gaming111 (edited 05-21-2002).]