posted 02-15-2002 12:11 AM
BigBill wrote:Inky, you say going up to her and confronting her would show confidence.
DeepBlue replies:
I believe Inky said it conveys confidence to act like you can't imagine that a chick would ever want to give *YOU* a wrong number on purpose, and it makes you look more desirable if you seem to believe that it MUST have been a mistake. (Unless a chick is being insultingly *obvious* about BSing you.)
If you seem quick to assume that a chick gave you a fake number on purpose, it gives her the impression (rightly or wrongly) that women are constantly trying to ditch you with a wrong number. That impression makes the guy seem less desirable.
I was the one, however (not Inky) who suggested that you talk to girl #1 about it.
BigBill continued...
I think it communicates something else entirely. It communicates that she is something special. Like getting her number was the best thing that happened to you that day/week/hour or whatever and you were really looking forward to getting with her. girls already have an exaggerated sense of their own worth. If I say 'hey that number you gave me was wrong' then it looks like I give a ****.
I don't.
DeepBlue reply:
While it is true that a guy shouldn't hang his self-esteem on a number working out, to say that you "don't give a sh*t" about the number is either trying too hard to not care, or else you're asking the wrong girls for numbers. If I don't give a sh*t about a girl's number I don't ask for it.
BigBill continued...
not going up to her is very good because it shakes her confidence. It causes her to re-evaluate which of us is the 'prize' and which one the hunter.
Think about it from her point of view. Did I try to call the number she gave me? Was I so busy with other girls that I forgot I talked to her? did I meet a prettier girl in the mean time? Is she not as attractive and special as maybe she thought? Why isn't he over here clearing things up?....
DeepBlue reply:
Hold it. I'm not saying you should have tried to "clear things up". That expression, "clearing things up" makes it sound like expressing concern about the fact that the number didn't work.
I'm not saying you should do that at all--doing that would have been a bad move, I agree. However, you *can* let her know the number was wrong, and laugh it off like it's no big deal. That way you are covered. You maintain your "don't give a sh*t" attitude, but you also:
1. Let her know she wrote a wrong number just in case it *was* a mistake.
2. Act surprised to let her see that YOU are not used to having that happen.
The catch is that this approach does involve facing the chick again, and that can be difficult for a guy if he's feeling kinda rejected, because deep down he's telling himself that she probably gave him a wrong number on purpose.
That is exactly why being able to face her again in a relaxed and cheerful way is such a powerful move. It conveys self confidence.
BigBill continued...
yes, all the things a GUY would normally be thinking after a girl he was dating had suddenly snubbed him. only we DJs are not normal guys. We are the best, we expect a certain level of respect and treatment from women and if we don't get it, we don't go back and ask why not, we don't care. We find another one just as pretty or better.
DeepBlue reply:
Saying that you didn't get a "certain level of respect" again *assumes* that she rejected you on purpose.
Based on your story, I didn't feel that there was a basis for making that assumption with any conviction.
But the fact is, I wasn't there. Inevitably, there are many subtle indicators of interest, or lack thereof, that I'm not privy to.
If the chick positivly exuded non-verbal signals saying, "I am giving you a fake number to get rid of you" then fine, I AGREE with you. You shouldn't bother with her.
But based on your description of what happened--her calling out to you to volunteer her number--that gave me the impression that she was very interested in you. Likewise, I assumed that your interest in her was genuine since you tried to get her number. Those are pretty much the main things I had to work with.
BigBill continued...
[some stuff cut for brevity]
I found out why the one chick gave the wrong number too. I acually delivered a pizza to her house. she has a live-in boyfreind that looks like hes out on work-release. She answered the door and he was laying on their couch so I go 'Hey, I remember you, you work at blah blah as a waitress. I remember asking you out and you gave me the wrong number!' all said with a big smile. she turned white as a ghost. No tellin what her old man thought or did later.
Heheheheheheheheh....
Guess my intuition was right.
DeepBlue reply:
Based on your impression of her boyfriend it sounds like she might hang with a seedy crowd, so maybe you had an intuition--when you first spoke to her--that she was the type of chick who'd casually snub a guy by giving him a wrong number. Again, these are aspects of the scenario that I don't have access to.
[snip remainder]
DeepBlue