posted 04-11-2002 07:34 PM
What is cool? I define cool as a person that is fun to be around. Well being cool all goes back to the very thing that the DJ Bible tries to stress to everyone... confidence. Ask yourself this question... Are you comfortable with the people you mainly hang around? If you answered yes to this question then you know that these people are "cool" to hang around... it would also be safe to assume that they deem you "cool" to hang around. That's because all of you are comfortable around each other. You are confident around you friends because you feel comfortable around them and you can be yourself. Well today my fellow DJ's and newbies alike you are in luck... introducing... "The How To Be Cool Guide." I want to thank everyone who created these lovely posts and a special thanks goes to Centurion and Syncmaster for helping me create this. Oh and thanks to MafiosoMan14 too for his efforts.1. Before you can even think about becoming the most popular person in your school, you need to learn to be confident. What is confidence you ask? Merriam-Webster (that's a dictionary) defines confidence as: self-assurance. And that's exactly what you will need. You have to believe in yourself, before you can have other people believe in you. If you do not make yourself happy... don't expect to make others. Here's some tips on gaining confidence. First though... some motivation.
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By now you should be pretty amped... are we feeling a little more confident yet... I hope so, cause now we're gonna work on that attitude of yours. High school can be rough... especially if you're trying your hardest to fit in... but it's not coming out so good. This is the thing about becoming popular: the harder you try, the better you fail... so don't try sooo hard. Just relax... it's gonna be fun.
2. Attitude. Now that you are a little more confident... you need to work on the attitude. You need to have a positive outlook on life. Be an optimist... see the glass half full... never half empty. People don't like negative people... like people who almost always have a smile on their face... like no matter what everything will be all right. So put a smile on you face... and get ready to conquer the world!
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Okay so you're pretty confident, and the attitude is changing a little bit... so now we're gonna work on style.
It's better if you pick up you're own style. Or do like I do, and pick a trendy style and add your own flair to it. You should have a trademark that everyone can trace back to you. When comes to style, wear what you like... after all it's not the clother that make the man... but the man that makes the clothes.
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Perhaps the most important thing about becoming popular and perhaps the thing you will have to work on the most is social skills read the advice of Virtuoso.
Was'up DJ's I'm a new member here, and have been following the site for a while, so I hope this helps.
I got this from a Psychology Today magazine article and have found it useful. So I'm going to post the most important things I found in it.
The Eight Habits Of Highly Popular People
1)Schedule Your Social Life
"It is impossible to hone your social skills without investing time in them. Practice makes perfect, even for the socially secure. Accordingly, the well liked surround themselves with others, getting a rich supply of opportunites to observe interactions and to improve on their own social behaviours."
When your'e with people look at their personality styles. Its true, from some of my boys I've learned how to tell stories better with more detail. I have a dry sense of humour, but I've picked up different kinds humour too, hanging around practical jokers. Hang around different people, you'll become more well rounded socially. That way you'll be able to attract so many different types of girls, knowing different types of people and styles, just adopt it to yourself.
2)Think Positive
"Insecure people tend to approach others anxiously, feeling they have to prove they are witty or interesting. But self assured people expect that others will respond positively"
Now this is very important DJs. If you approach a girl nervous or anxious it will show, and she'll read you, or anybody for that matter. Trust me, I know from first hand experience
3)Engage In Social Reconnaissance
"Like detectives the socially competent are highly skilled at information gathering, always scanning the scene for important details to guide thier actions. They direct their focus outward, observing others and listenting actively.
Right. When your'e around girls observe what they are like. Analyze how they talk, how they walk, how they dress even. Analyze everything. You'll be able to tailor your approach to fit her persona. You'll develop a better repore with her (even by using the same words she uses), and faster too. Who knows, you might even find she's not your type.
"Socially skilled people are tuned in to people's expressions of specific emotions, sensitive to signals that convey information as what people's interests are."
"The socially confident are also able to identify and label their own experience accurately. That is where many people particularly men fall short."
DJ's be aware of you own emotions, that's the only way you will control them, otherwise they'll control you. To master your emotions, don't wrestle or fight with them. Acknowledge them, and accept them, even befriend them. Don't let emotions like infatuation, frustration, fear, or other bull**** interfere, they're only shadows.
4)Enter Conversations Gracefully
"Timing is everything. After listening and observing on the perimeter of a group they want to join, the socially competent look for an opportunity to step in, knowing it doesn't just happen. It usually appears as a lull in the conversation."
After observing jump in if your'e in a group with girls or there's one you want to talk to, you have to take chances in order to be great at what you do. Like Muhammed Ali said, "Who will dare to be great, who will be bold". This is what you do, DJ'ing is a skill just like boxing, writing etc.To be great you must take risks
"The idea is to use an open ended question that lets others participate"
Common sales technique, they often start with who, what, where, when, why the 5 W's."
5)Learn To Handle Failure
"It is a fact that eveyone will sometimes be rejected. Rebuffs happen to even popular people. What distinguishes the socially confident from mere mortals in their reaction to rejection. They don't attribute it to internal causes, such as thier own unlikeability or inability to make friends. They assume in can result from many important factors-incompatibilty, someone elses bad mood, a misunderstanding."
"Self assured people become resilient, using the feedback they get to shape another go at acceptance."
Failure is the one thing in life that tests your character, so consider it a blessing. In weightlifting in order to get bigger in size you use extreme resistance, feeling the burn and breaking down the muscle until it recovers even stronger. Failure does that to your character. Use it as an opportunity to learn, and allow it to strengthen you. Hey, I'm still learning. Learning is an ongoing process. I read something on Micheal Jordan's comeback, and he said the game is still teaching him things, amazing coming from probably the greatest ballplayer ever. So allow this game to teach you
Remember,"You don't have to be interesting. You have to be interested. That's how you have conversations."-Dr. John Gottman
Part II:
Alright DJ's I'll finish up here as well, continuing on The Eight Habits Of Highly Popular People article form Psychology Today March 2000
6)Take Hold Of Your Emotions
"No one can pay attention to or correctly interpret what is going on, let alone act skillfully, without a reasonable degree of control over their own emotional states, especially negative emotions such as anger, fear, anxiety-the emotions that usually arise in situations of conflict and uncertainty."
So true, I used to talk to fine girls I used to never pay attention to what they were saying because I was so concentrated on what I'd say next. Then I'd get a little nervous and worry would come in to play. Chalk most of this up to inexperience because it was a while ago. But by taking hold of your emotions you stomp out a small flame that can turn into a greasefire if you don't check yourself. Worrying is a disease of the mind I think.
If you think prematurely that the girl will never like you, that your not worthy, or you don't have a chance that becomes a self fufilling prophecy. What that means is that whatever self image you have of yourself eventually becomes a reality because you react to what your mind tells you (my psych class helps after all ). It will show in the way you talk, your body language, in short your belief system becomes one of a loser.
I read an experiment in my social psych class that its true that people with high self esteem remember more positive information about themselves, whereas people with lower self esteem remember more negative things about themselves. Its funny, people who had high self esteem, overrated how well they did when they performed tasks. They actually thought they exceeded their expectations. People with low self esteem of course did the opposite. So if you have no prospects, no numbers, remember all the fine girls who had in the past, or even do something you do well.
If you let negative emotions interfere it will colour your thoughts. You might overreact to something a girl does to you, because you think negatively about yourself and/or your chances with her.
"Recently studies have found that people who are the most well liked also have a firm handle on their emotions. It isn't that they internalize all their negative feelings. Instead, they shift attention away from distressing stimuli toward positive aspects of the situation. In other words, they have excellent coping skills."
This goes along with the above. The main thing here is thinking positive. I read in Muscular Development magazine that guys who think more postively than others have higher testosterone! That's a perfect example of how our bodies react to our thoughts. If your in a spiral of bad thoughts, think about postive things about the situation. "Are there hotter, finer looking girls out there?" (of course there is ). "Is she someone I want to talk o ?" "I'm going to find a girl way better that her!"etc.
7)Defuse Disagreements
"As people gain social competence, they try to accommodate the needs of both parties. managing social conflict without aggression requires, listening, communicating-arguing, persuading-"
Don't be aggressive with girls it doesn't work. On the other end, don't take s**t from them either. Be assertive, that means expressing what you feel but respecting their opinion. Do it in the form of 'I' statements like, "I don't like what you did". Don't say." Your making me mad". You are responsible for your emotions, not her, and by expressing it this way you show your an strong individual. No girl (or anyone for that matter) can disrespect you unless you give them permission. Say it in a firm voice, don't yell or scream, and don't talk under your voice like youv'e seen a ghost. Stand upright, speak clearly, evenly, look her directly in the eye and make your feelings and intentions known. In short, be a man.
8)Laugh A Little
"Humour is the single most prized social skill"
"There's no recipe for creating a sense of humour. {Just)Try to see the lighter side of the situation"
If you get a girl laughing, believe me, you have got her! Trust me I know. If you don't think your that funny, try self deprecating humour. What it is simply, is making fun of yourself lighly. I've read so and tried it and girls love it. It shows that you don't take yourself too seriously. I had an old car and I told thi girl,"I'm afraid of leaving it outside on garbage day" Making all kinds of jokes. It also opens the door on teasing the girl too. Be careful doing this when you first meet a girl, because it might give off the impression that you don't think much of yourself. Also, being funny is a state of mind. Don't take life too seriously, and don't take yourself too seriously. That's the secret of being funny (if you don't think your too funny).
Also if something bad happens that's a great opportunity. As bad as it sounds, pain sometimes makes great comedy.
"Know your limits to exceed your limits"
-Aesop Rock
That should about cover it.. but if you're still stuck... these might help.
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That should about cover everything guys... it's kinda like a mini HSDJB. If you read and digest these posts, you should be on your way to ruling your school. Just remember that high school is all about having fun... so never forget that! With this along with Centurion's newbie guide... there should not be too many more questions!! These along with the Bibles should cover all of the F.A.Q.'s Also in your quest for popularity never forget those who were with you in the beginning... too many times human beings achieve greatness and forget the people who first told them they could.
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Read the some of responses in this post: it should cover anything else I left out.
Again thanks to Syncmaster and MafiosoMan 14 for their help and much, much, much love goes to Centurion for helping me find a lot of these posts that weren't in the Bible. I wish everyone the best of luck in becoming popular!
And as always... The Matrix has you
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You were born to live... and you live to die.
To live in life, is to scarifice in death... but to sacrifice in life, is to live in death.
Nice guys don't finish last... they don't start the race.
Boys do what they can... men do what they want.