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  NEWBIES AND AFC'S GATHER ROUND (and all you vets who need inspiration) (Page 1)

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Author Topic:   NEWBIES AND AFC'S GATHER ROUND (and all you vets who need inspiration)
UltimateScoundrel

Master Don Juan
posted 05-12-2002 11:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for UltimateScoundrel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
MAKE SURE YOU GET A GOOD LOOK AT THIS POST'S FOLLOWUP!!

Hey all you AFC's and newbies, and all of you that are both, welcome to the forum. For those of you who don't know afc stands for average frustrated chump.

Take this quick quiz

1. Do you think giving a woman most of your attention will help you get her?

2. Do you think romantic things like writing poetry or sending gifts will make her more attracted to you?

3. Do you think letting her get to know you through long instant message and phone chats will win her over?

4. Do you believe that you must be nice to her, and do what she asks, or she will think you are an ******* and forget about you?

5. Are you in love with the "most perfect girl" a 10+?

If you answered yes to any of those, you my friend are an AFC.
Fear not, you have already taken your first step to slay the beast within. That demon that swirls your stomach when a woman walks by.
That foul creature that clamps down on your vocal chords when you try to speak to her.
That wretched imp that whispers foul thoughts to your brain, telling you that you aren't good enough, you aren't handsome enough, and that women hate you.

Before you read on I want you to do a little exercise, go look in the mirror. Take off your shirt and look at your pot belly and your acne. You know what, every other guy has acne too. You know why the chicks hate yours and not his? They don't. The only reason you can see your acne is your face is 4 inches from the mirror. If you are that close to women you are invading their personal space.
That belly of yours, guess what, alot of guys have them. The guy who is fvcking the hottest chick in my grade has one. And believe me, she doesn't care.
You must respect yourself, and not worry about your physical problems, women don't care about looks. Alot of the "top dawgs" in your grade don't look any better than you.

HEY MISTER HAIRY PALMS!! IF YOU DON'T STOP THAT YOU'LL GO BLIND!!

Quit wackin' it. A don juan does not need such things. Believe it will be tough, but that pure need for sex will drive you to talk to women, and that is what you need.

ALRIGHT MR. AFC

I'm going to let you all in on a little secret. You're going to graduate by the time you're 18, and that will come faster than you think. All these women. You will never see one of them again until you are 28 at your 10 year reunion. So, quit trying to find a fvcking wife!!
Your wife is out there. She's beautiful, intelligent, and she loves all the same things you do. She's lonely, and needs a man with charm, wit, and confidence. You won't meat her until you are 25 or older.

Here and now you need to make a choice, are you going to end up a thirty year old man living in your parents basement sitting in your underwear fattening your belly with cold pizza and flat beer while you watch reruns and hope and dream for your women to find you?

OR

Are you going to go out, and practice DJing on these girls and get ready for your wife.

Believe me, you won't get her with hopes and dreams. If the world ran on hopes and dreams I wouldn't need to pay for gas, I could wish my car down the street.

OH ULTIMATE SCOUNDREL!! Save me, I've lost my way, I've had a crush on a girl for my whole life, and i finnaly said hi yesterday, and she blinked 24 times before tossing her hair, what does it mean, I have to kno-

SHUT THE FVCK UP YOU WHINY LITTLE BIITCH!!
You must forget about every woman you know, and just use them for practice.

If you promise to forsake AFCdom forever, and use all the women you know, skinny, fat, pretty, and ugly, ALL OF THEM for practice, say

"I (insert your name)reject the beast within!"

P.S. If you ever have any questions, do a search, read the bible,go try SOMETHING, and if that fails, ask everyone else.

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Sarcastic Sardonic Irreverent Impertinent Exasperating Disrespectful and Charming. This is the way of the scoundrel

[This message has been edited by UltimateScoundrel (edited 05-30-2002).]

IP: 206.9.80.3

Jester

Master Don Juan
posted 05-12-2002 11:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jester     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
lol sweet dude.

IP: 68.44.165.136

Gaming111

Master Don Juan
posted 05-13-2002 01:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gaming111     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Awesome post.

I disagree with the part about masturbation, though. I've tried it, and it really doesn't change much. I think it's more like a sugar pill. Also, after about a week of no release, I couldn't sleep (literally). It can be good for you to try not jerking it for awhile, just as a test of will, but I don't think it's a key part of being a DJ.

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"You don't address the needs of women!"
"I don't have to - my dick does that for me."

IP: 63.224.220.239

xanderbaz

Master Don Juan
posted 05-13-2002 06:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for xanderbaz     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
HOLY COW THIS IS SWEET!
It came right at the time when most needed. Scoundrel, if you ever go thru Albuquerque, I'll set you up with some hot as$ biitches just for this post.
Cheers.

IP: 64.42.134.11

The Matrix

Master Don Juan
posted 05-13-2002 06:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for The Matrix     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I love it when someone makes excellent points. Awesome post my friend

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You were born to live... and you live to die.

To live in life, is to scarifice in death... but to sacrifice in life, is to live in death.

Nice guys don't finish last... they don't start the race.

Boys do what they can... men do what they want.

IP: 64.12.106.54

UltimateScoundrel

Master Don Juan
posted 05-13-2002 09:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for UltimateScoundrel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bump, cuz newbies need to read this and reply

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Sarcastic Sardonic Irreverent Impertinent Exasperating Disrespectful and Charming. This is the way of the scoundrel

IP: 206.9.80.3

CaptainSlinky

Master Don Juan
posted 05-14-2002 03:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CaptainSlinky     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I actually creamed my pants when I read this.

Beautiful work, Scoundrel

IP: 66.212.202.218

UltimateScoundrel

Master Don Juan
posted 05-15-2002 06:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for UltimateScoundrel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
B


u

m


p

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Sarcastic Sardonic Irreverent Impertinent Exasperating Disrespectful and Charming. This is the way of the scoundrel

IP: 206.9.80.3

whatsupwiddat

Master Don Juan
posted 05-15-2002 06:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for whatsupwiddat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Didn't I make an post almost exactly the same last week? Yeah I did. But I'm not going to steal your momentum. This is very good. I like it. This goes in my favorites column.

C'ya

IP: 66.81.150.166

UltimateScoundrel

Master Don Juan
posted 05-19-2002 02:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for UltimateScoundrel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
bump

IP: 206.9.80.3

Brazilian Guy

Don Juan
posted 05-20-2002 07:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Brazilian Guy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Good post!!! Letīs bump it up!

IP: 200.202.193.1

FrenchPLay

Master Don Juan
posted 05-20-2002 07:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for FrenchPLay     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
as much as i dont like u scoundrel, your clever

IP: 68.10.230.126

TheG02

Don Juan
posted 05-20-2002 07:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for TheG02     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
One of the greatest posts I've seen so far. I say it should be bumped also.

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This G, I'm out. Holla back!!!

IP: 64.12.105.183

UltimateScoundrel

Master Don Juan
posted 05-20-2002 10:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for UltimateScoundrel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
FrenchPlay, any stupid things i've said that have offended you were all in good fun, if you took me seriously then there was a misunderstanding. I don't think poorly of you.

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Sarcastic Sardonic Irreverent Impertinent Exasperating Disrespectful and Charming. This is the way of the scoundrel

IP: 206.9.80.3

syncmaster

Moderator
posted 05-21-2002 08:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for syncmaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That's a good post but it sounds like an introduction to what could be a really great set of articles... Please tell me i'm correct.

------------------
Syncmaster signing out.
a.k.a ... Adam

IP: 66.185.84.75

UltimateScoundrel

Master Don Juan
posted 05-21-2002 08:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for UltimateScoundrel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sync, I'm thinking about it, but right now I need some time to write a novel I'm working on. It has nothing to do with DJing or self-help.

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Sarcastic Sardonic Irreverent Impertinent Exasperating Disrespectful and Charming. This is the way of the scoundrel

IP: 206.9.80.3

loveprefect

Don Juan
posted 05-21-2002 09:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for loveprefect     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
great post

IP: 210.186.209.173

MattB

Don Juan
posted 05-21-2002 09:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MattB     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
awsome stuff

IP: 24.76.69.61

ultrashogun

Don Juan
posted 05-22-2002 11:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ultrashogun     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I disagree with you, I could answer yes to maybe 3 of thise points(except the instant messanger ****, that sux) and through those im in a very happy and sexually fullfilling relationship with a girl which i would classifie as a 10+++++++++

IP: 80.129.27.235

Matlm

Master Don Juan
posted 05-22-2002 01:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Matlm     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
and i would happily classify you as an afc++++++++++++

IP: 138.88.39.19

UltimateScoundrel

Master Don Juan
posted 05-22-2002 04:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for UltimateScoundrel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well ultrashogun, if you are going out with this 10++++++ and so very satisfied why are you reading the boards?

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Sarcastic Sardonic Irreverent Impertinent Exasperating Disrespectful and Charming. This is the way of the scoundrel

IP: 206.9.80.3

FrenchPLay

Master Don Juan
posted 05-22-2002 05:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for FrenchPLay     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by UltimateScoundrel:
Well ultrashogun, if you are going out with this 10++++++ and so very satisfied why are you reading the boards?


ooooohhhhhh u juz got told nigga

IP: 68.10.230.126

UltimateScoundrel

Master Don Juan
posted 05-22-2002 05:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for UltimateScoundrel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was gonna let this post sit and stagnate for I while, but I read ultrashogun's post, and now I reailize that he and many other DJ's, I take that back, ALL DON JUANS are suffering from what I like to call mountain syndrome.

Donjuaning knowledge is a glorius mountain of knowledge, and you are a mountain climber. Up ahead of you you see a cloud bank, high up the mountain of knowledge. You look for the peak, but it's shrouded by a cloud bank, so you put on your little AFC hiking booties, and your AFC shorts and you go chuggin up the mountain. Your clothing, is your technique. It'll make sense later.
Well, it gets colder as you go up the mountain, but you have to get to the cloud bank. Most of you were packed a nice warm AFC sweater and jeans by your mommies. You put it on, and the hike gets a little easier.
As you get to the cloud bank you look around and say, "Damn. I hiked quite aways. I must be close to the top!" and you put down a little flag and make camp.
Some of you will stay at camp forever, just under the cloud bank, very content. Maybe not. Maybe you will say, "climbing the mountain of knowledge and getting to the peak was not very satisfying," and you will hike back down.
If you went through those clouds do you know what you would see? Another cloud bank. I guess you weren't to close to the top. Those of you that kept on will now leave the others behind and hike a little further. Some of you thought ahead, and have some nice little AFC brand DJ knock-off mittens and long underwear to keep you warm, cuz its colder at the top.
Again you will reach the cloud bank, and you will look down, and see that little flag through the clouds and think, "What a joke to think I was at the top then. Now I'm at the top. Peak must be just beyond the clouds."
Again some of you will quit, but others will move on, and they will see another cloud bank. And another after that, and so on and so forth. Pretty soon you will be out of extra AFC clothes. You will say, "I'm freezing my baby nuts off."
Some of you will take the old DJ clothes that your guides give you, but they don't fit well, they were made for someone else, and they let in the cold. You will wear them for a short distance.
Then some of you will go shoot a bear and make your own DJ clothes, and you will think, "These may not be the best, but they sure are warm, even if they let the wind in my crotch," and the next time you make a set of DJ clothes you will do better, and they will fit tighter and warmer, and carry you further up the Mountain of Knowledge.
Some of you will leave the rest of the group to learn the harder way, and will live off of your wits, and always fashion your own clothes. You will go back down the mountain of knowledge and meet a new group one day and say," look at you pathetic twerps freezing off your baby nuts. You should be like me and learn to do stuff on your own, and make your own DJ clothes, not just ask advice from your Master Don Juan guides."
Others of you will teach the freezing hikers how to make their own DJ clothes, because you know they will need the knowledge. Some will listen. They will be warm. Some will ignore you and say, "Even though you've been up the mountain of knowledge and I haven't I think I'll wear my AFC clothes"


THEY WILL FREEZE.

How far to the top of the mountain. I can't answer that. Lorenzo can't answer that. Jester can't answer that. whatsupwiddat can't answer that. ALLAN CAN'T ANSWER THAT.
Nobody can. No matter how high you go there is always another cloud bank. Nobody knows where it will end.

When in doubt consult your mountain-hikers' manual........

THE HS DJ BIBLE


If you cannot find the answer there, search the mountain of knowledge, if you still can't find the anwer ask a guide. They will surely help if you have done the previous things.

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Sarcastic Sardonic Irreverent Impertinent Exasperating Disrespectful and Charming. This is the way of the scoundrel

[This message has been edited by UltimateScoundrel (edited 05-22-2002).]

[This message has been edited by UltimateScoundrel (edited 05-22-2002).]

IP: 206.9.80.3

ultrashogun

Don Juan
posted 05-23-2002 04:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ultrashogun     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Frenchplay: Because I like a good discussion, thats why ive barely ever posted anything here before. Why would I need all these "great" tips when Ive got a 10++++++ girlfriend, smartass?

IP: 217.228.132.205

UltimateScoundrel

Master Don Juan
posted 05-23-2002 05:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for UltimateScoundrel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by ultrashogun:
Frenchplay: Because I like a good discussion, thats why ive barely ever posted anything here before. Why would I need all these "great" tips when Ive got a 10++++++ girlfriend, smartass?

Wow ultrashogun, it only took you 23 hours to come up with that BLISTERRING come-back!!

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Sarcastic Sardonic Irreverent Impertinent Exasperating Disrespectful and Charming. This is the way of the scoundrel

IP: 206.9.80.3


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