The Don Juan Center

Discussion Forum Hall of Fame

Chat Room




Thread Closed  Topic Closed
  Don Juan Discussion Forum
  Don Juan Discussion
  Underestimating an old DJ (Page 2)

Post New Topic  
profile | register | preferences | faq | search


This topic has been transferred to this forum: Don Juan Success Stories.
This topic is 2 pages long:   1  2 
next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   Underestimating an old DJ
BigBill

Master Don Juan
posted 02-14-2002 05:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BigBill     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by DeepBlue:
Inky, your analysis of BigBill's situation is right on the money, and regrettably this type of misunderstanding is one reason why there are so many bitter, resentful women out there. It's possible that from her point of view some guy cruelly raised her hopes just so he could callously snub her.

What BigBill should do at this point is fess up to babe #1, letting her know he thought she gave him a wrong number on purpose, but later realized he might've made a terrible mistake. Not only will that rescue her from simmering in man-hating resentment, it will probably land him in her bed as well.

Oh, and Chris... your comment about ending up with a "14.2" had me laughing out loud!

DeepBlue


Ok guys.

I see where you are coming from. Here is why I disagree with you:

Inky, you say going up to her and confronting her would show confidence. I think it communicates something else entirely. It communicates that she is something special. Like getting her number was the best thing that happened to you that day/week/hour or whatever and you were really looking forward to getting with her. girls already have an exaggerated sense of their own worth. If I say 'hey that number you gave me was wrong' then it looks like I give a ****.

I don't.

not going up to her is very good because it shakes her confidence. It causes her to re-evaluate which of us is the 'prize' and which one the hunter. Think about it from her point of view. Did I try to call the number she gave me? Was I so busy with other girls that I forgot I talked to her? did I meet a prettier girl in the mean time? Is she not as attractive and special as maybe she thought? Why isn't he over here clearing things up?....

yes, all the things a GUY would normally be thinking after a girl he was dating had suddenly snubbed him. only we DJs are not normal guys. We are the best, we expect a certain level of respect and treatment from women and if we don't get it, we don't go back and ask why not, we don't care. We find another one just as pretty or better.

girls with big boobs and nice legs and smiles are everywhere. Its DJs that are rare.

As to where things went with the other girl. I kept her around until she started getting uppity then I dumped her. since then she has tried three times to get back with me. But I don't have time for her between work, school and the other girls I've been seeing.

I don't date that much anymore like I did when I was a newbie Dj, but when I want to get a date with a girl I usually do and when I get a date I almost always get action. And if I don't get the date or get the date and no action... I shrug and move on to better things.

the 14.2 idea is nice.

I found out why the one chick gave the wrong number too. I acually delivered a pizza to her house. she has a live-in boyfreind that looks like hes out on work-release. She answered the door and he was laying on their couch so I go 'Hey, I remember you, you work at blah blah as a waitress. I remember asking you out and you gave me the wrong number!' all said with a big smile. she turned white as a ghost. No tellin what her old man thought or did later.

Heheheheheheheheh....

Guess my intuition was right. she would have made sure the number was right if she wanted me to have it. she just wanted to be dishonest with me. If she had told me she had a Bf living with her I might have said 'cool, so where and when you want to get together?' but she had to lie so...

IP: 67.24.42.99

Jester

Master Don Juan
posted 02-14-2002 06:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jester   Click Here to Email Jester     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
holy **** its bigbill, where u been dude.

get in the chatroom sometime soon.

IP: 68.44.162.190

Don the Legend

Master Don Juan
posted 02-14-2002 07:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Don the Legend   Click Here to Email Don the Legend     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by BigBill:
I found out why the one chick gave the wrong number too. I acually delivered a pizza to her house. she has a live-in boyfreind that looks like hes out on work-release. She answered the door and he was laying on their couch so I go 'Hey, I remember you, you work at blah blah as a waitress. I remember asking you out and you gave me the wrong number!' all said with a big smile. she turned white as a ghost. No tellin what her old man thought or did later.

Heheheheheheheheh....

Guess my intuition was right. she would have made sure the number was right if she wanted me to have it. she just wanted to be dishonest with me. If she had told me she had a Bf living with her I might have said 'cool, so where and when you want to get together?' but she had to lie so...



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOL!

That's gold man. Glad to see you posting again.

Legend

IP: 63.208.61.232

BigBill

Master Don Juan
posted 02-14-2002 11:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BigBill     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey glad you

guys still remember me. I quit the internet altogether for a few months to really concentrate on school and stuff. Between this forum and chatroom and a few others i was visiting it was eating up a lot of time.

I talk to Drew now and then on Icq and I'll start stopping by here every now and then too.

Later guys!

IP: 67.24.41.115

DeepBlue

Don Juan
posted 02-15-2002 12:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for DeepBlue     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

BigBill wrote:

Inky, you say going up to her and confronting her would show confidence.

DeepBlue replies:
I believe Inky said it conveys confidence to act like you can't imagine that a chick would ever want to give *YOU* a wrong number on purpose, and it makes you look more desirable if you seem to believe that it MUST have been a mistake. (Unless a chick is being insultingly *obvious* about BSing you.)

If you seem quick to assume that a chick gave you a fake number on purpose, it gives her the impression (rightly or wrongly) that women are constantly trying to ditch you with a wrong number. That impression makes the guy seem less desirable.

I was the one, however (not Inky) who suggested that you talk to girl #1 about it.



BigBill continued...
I think it communicates something else entirely. It communicates that she is something special. Like getting her number was the best thing that happened to you that day/week/hour or whatever and you were really looking forward to getting with her. girls already have an exaggerated sense of their own worth. If I say 'hey that number you gave me was wrong' then it looks like I give a ****.

I don't.

DeepBlue reply:
While it is true that a guy shouldn't hang his self-esteem on a number working out, to say that you "don't give a sh*t" about the number is either trying too hard to not care, or else you're asking the wrong girls for numbers. If I don't give a sh*t about a girl's number I don't ask for it.



BigBill continued...
not going up to her is very good because it shakes her confidence. It causes her to re-evaluate which of us is the 'prize' and which one the hunter.

Think about it from her point of view. Did I try to call the number she gave me? Was I so busy with other girls that I forgot I talked to her? did I meet a prettier girl in the mean time? Is she not as attractive and special as maybe she thought? Why isn't he over here clearing things up?....

DeepBlue reply:
Hold it. I'm not saying you should have tried to "clear things up". That expression, "clearing things up" makes it sound like expressing concern about the fact that the number didn't work.

I'm not saying you should do that at all--doing that would have been a bad move, I agree. However, you *can* let her know the number was wrong, and laugh it off like it's no big deal. That way you are covered. You maintain your "don't give a sh*t" attitude, but you also:

1. Let her know she wrote a wrong number just in case it *was* a mistake.

2. Act surprised to let her see that YOU are not used to having that happen.

The catch is that this approach does involve facing the chick again, and that can be difficult for a guy if he's feeling kinda rejected, because deep down he's telling himself that she probably gave him a wrong number on purpose.

That is exactly why being able to face her again in a relaxed and cheerful way is such a powerful move. It conveys self confidence.



BigBill continued...
yes, all the things a GUY would normally be thinking after a girl he was dating had suddenly snubbed him. only we DJs are not normal guys. We are the best, we expect a certain level of respect and treatment from women and if we don't get it, we don't go back and ask why not, we don't care. We find another one just as pretty or better.

DeepBlue reply:
Saying that you didn't get a "certain level of respect" again *assumes* that she rejected you on purpose.

Based on your story, I didn't feel that there was a basis for making that assumption with any conviction.

But the fact is, I wasn't there. Inevitably, there are many subtle indicators of interest, or lack thereof, that I'm not privy to.

If the chick positivly exuded non-verbal signals saying, "I am giving you a fake number to get rid of you" then fine, I AGREE with you. You shouldn't bother with her.

But based on your description of what happened--her calling out to you to volunteer her number--that gave me the impression that she was very interested in you. Likewise, I assumed that your interest in her was genuine since you tried to get her number. Those are pretty much the main things I had to work with.


BigBill continued...

[some stuff cut for brevity]


I found out why the one chick gave the wrong number too. I acually delivered a pizza to her house. she has a live-in boyfreind that looks like hes out on work-release. She answered the door and he was laying on their couch so I go 'Hey, I remember you, you work at blah blah as a waitress. I remember asking you out and you gave me the wrong number!' all said with a big smile. she turned white as a ghost. No tellin what her old man thought or did later.

Heheheheheheheheh....

Guess my intuition was right.

DeepBlue reply:
Based on your impression of her boyfriend it sounds like she might hang with a seedy crowd, so maybe you had an intuition--when you first spoke to her--that she was the type of chick who'd casually snub a guy by giving him a wrong number. Again, these are aspects of the scenario that I don't have access to.

[snip remainder]

DeepBlue

IP: 168.191.123.29

BigBill

Master Don Juan
posted 02-15-2002 03:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BigBill     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Deep blue,

I think we are going to have to agree to disagree on this. I've stated why I played how I played it and to me, your arguments sound like justifying what I consider chumpish behavior.

I don't make excuses in my mind for things a chick does or doesn't do. I just look at what happened. If it was you who got approached by a chick and you were into her would you make a mistake giving her your number? Hell no.

so much for your signs of interest.

Anyhow as to me being interested in her. Yes. Absolutely that's why I asked. my point is: I'm not any more interested in her than I am in any other girl, and My interest level falls to about -100% when they do something like break a date or give a wrong number or some other flaky BS. Why waste the time and risk a failure with a girl who has already shown flakiness when I can instead mack on one that hasn't?

Am I trying too hard not to care? Yes. It takes discipline for me not to obsess about girls and to be so callous about rejecting them. I'm trying to overcome 30 years of doing things wrong.

If I go up to that girl in that situation, even if I make a joke out of it, it shows weakness. It possibly even would have showed weakness to the other girl I DID get and blown that. The other thing that would have shown weakness is if I deliberately snubbed her or acted mad.

The only right way to make that play, no matter what reasons anyone might come up with otherwise, is to act like nothing of any importance happened. that's what I did, I got laid by the prettier waitress, and in the same situation, I make the same move.

Anyhow I doubt you will find many successful DJs who reccomend you re-approach a girl who gave you a wrong number. Even if it was a mistake on her part, I still say on some level she will see you coming and re-asking as a weak, possibly obsessive and needy thing to do.

My opinion.

IP: 67.24.41.115

DeepBlue

Don Juan
posted 02-15-2002 08:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for DeepBlue     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

BigBill wrote:
I think we are going to have to agree to disagree on this.


Well, at least you have been explaining your point of view clearly. I think our discussion made for an interesting thread. Maybe we should be the Siskel & Ebert of the DJ center.
:-)

DeepBlue

IP: 168.191.122.36

crowes22

Master Don Juan
posted 02-15-2002 04:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for crowes22     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by BigBill:
Deep blue,

If I go up to that girl in that situation, even if I make a joke out of it, it shows weakness. It possibly even would have showed weakness to the other girl I DID get and blown that. The other thing that would have shown weakness is if I deliberately snubbed her or acted mad.

The only right way to make that play, no matter what reasons anyone might come up with otherwise, is to act like nothing of any importance happened. that's what I did, I got laid by the prettier waitress, and in the same situation, I make the same move.

Anyhow I doubt you will find many successful DJs who reccomend you re-approach a girl who gave you a wrong number. Even if it was a mistake on her part, I still say on some level she will see you coming and re-asking as a weak, possibly obsessive and needy thing to do.

My opinion.



I agree with this. Acting like you care allows her to 'win'. She has had an effect on you if you reapproach her. Not good. She would have zero respect for you.

IP: 205.188.199.159

DeepBlue

Don Juan
posted 02-15-2002 05:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DeepBlue     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

Crowes22 wrote:
I agree with this. Acting like you care allows her to 'win'.

DeepBlue reply:
I agree with it too, but acting like you care wasn't the course of action I suggested.

All you really need to do to understand the situation is to put yourself in her position.

You enjoy some great convo with someone, and based on that the girl you're talking to asks you for your number. So you give out your number but you accidentally "dyslexiate" two digits (THAT is the remote but real possibility I choose to allow for).

After giving her your number, you look forward to continuing convo with that girl, but she never calls you.

Later she comes to your workplace and she completely ignores you and proceeds to hit on your coworker. In fact, she never talks to you again, and unbeknownst to you, it is because you confused two digits.

The point is, you CAN let a girl know she gave you a wrong number AND do it in a way that doesn't seem overly concerned about the "loss". Consider it a challenge worthy of a suave DJ.

The crux of the issue is that BigBill cannot concieve of her mixing up the digits as being anything other than a purposeful snub.

In a situation where there is NO possible explanation for a chick's behavior except that she is purposely snubbing you, in that case I'd be in complete agreement with BigBill's comments.

However, in a situation where there is a possibility that the chick was NOT trying to snub you, I think it shows more confidence in your own desirability if you assume that the chick wasn't trying to snub you.

In short, it's better to err on the side of assuming a chick desires you, even if she doesn't, than to err in assuming she's not interested, when she is.

Anyway, I think both viewpoints were well represented here, and to each their own style.

DeepBlue

[This message has been edited by DeepBlue (edited 02-15-2002).]

IP: 168.191.119.76

sosuave.com

Administrator
posted 02-16-2002 11:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sosuave.com   Click Here to Email sosuave.com     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Moving to new Success Stories forum. Reply there.

IP: 24.25.68.217


This topic is 2 pages long:   1  2 

All times are ET (US)

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Open Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  
Hop to:

Contact Us | The Don Juan Center

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.45b